Forgiveness

• He didn’t understand how unkind his words were.
• She didn’t realize that the gossip she started would have far reaching effects and would hurt people she never intended.
• She didn’t plan for her lies to wound so many people.
• He didn’t know that his jealousy would lead to others suffering.
• He thought his outspoken behavior would cause change. He didn’t know it would cause so much damage.
• He didn’t understand that his support for incompetence would result in others having to cover for poor behavior.
• She didn’t know that cancelling a lunch meeting would make someone feel like they were not worthy of her time.
• She didn’t know one verbal lambasting would create a 5-year estrangement from an important relationship.
• She thought she was doing what was best for the organization. She had no idea the results of her behavior would be devastating to so many people and damage the organization she was trying desperately to protect.
• She had no idea her allegiance to the wrong person would result in others being unfairly accused.
• When she heard the rumor, she felt it was her duty to pass it on. She probably didn’t know that it was untrue.

In the stress management classes I have facilitated, there is an activity where I ask for a volunteer from the audience to hold a cute little character made with purple felt fabric, goofy eyes and a button nose wrapped around a beanbag named Grudge. The volunteer is to extend their arm straight and outstretched to their side. I place the toy in their hand and begin telling a story. Eventually, their arm begins to drop and they tell me that it is heavy. I share with the audience that Grudge contains a five-pound beanbag. When I ask the audience if they are feeling any pain, people shake their heads no.

The point I am demonstrating is what it feels like to carry a grudge. It isn’t heavy for anyone else, but the person carrying the weight of the grudge.

Today’s gift is forgiveness. I am forgiving people who said or did something that caused me to feel hurt. Some of them are aware of the pain they caused—others are not. Some may have done it on purpose—others only because they believed what they were doing was right.

To symbolically forgive these people, I wrote down the names on a piece of paper. I put the paper in Grudge and held it out to my side for as long as I could. When my arm began aching, I took the paper and burned it.

Suzanne Somers says, “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” So, today the gift I gave away was also one that I gave myself!

In Giving and Forgiving,

Robin